erm Welp, Game of Thrones season 7 is going to premier in just about a month, so it’s time for predictions!
Yey!
We’re not actually excited. Erm read all the spoilers so it’s just Three predicting things this year and she doesn’t even remember what happened last season. We’re a little Game of Thrones fatigued. The main problem is that as much as it’s praised for being edgy and expectations-defying, the very fact that so many good characters die horribly and that so many opportunities for justice are completely squandered makes it kind of exhausting to be as emotionally invested as the two of us used to be. It was Justina Ireland who once wrote a whole tweet thread about the importance of not leaving your audience without the emotional satisfaction they’re coming to you for, specifically in reference to GRR Martin, and it seems about right. There’s just not enough of an emotional payoff for remembering all of these characters’ stupid names and stupid backstories, thus far in the series, at least. And this is going to be the penultimate season.
Also it doesn’t help that while the show runners are actually finishing the story up, unlike Martin, they’re not really doing a great job with it. There’re only two direwolves left. Weren’t direwolves supposed to be a big deal, at least symbolically? And they keep writing rape scenes and scenes making fun of men who have had genital mutilation done to them. It’s like, stop that. You could just not, you know.
Anyway. Last time we predicted things we got EVERYTHING RIGHT, especially the part where Mormont’s Raven is running the whole show secretly. So read these at your own risk. But erm, who has read the spoilers, knows better than to include any hints any which way about them here.
Three’s predictions for season 7, by character and topic:
Arya
- Will she die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– She’ll kill everyone, ESPECIALLY JAIME
Bran
- Will he die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– Since he can’t turn into a tree where the three-eyed raven was, he’ll find another heart tree and turn into it instead
Sansa
- Will she die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– She’ll stab Littlefinger. Three is really looking forward to Littlefinger getting stabbed by Sansa.
Jon
- Will he die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– Nothing, because he’s lived his purpose. Seems about right. Erm has money on this one.
Littlefinger
- Will he die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– He tries to marry Sansa again
Ghost
- Will he die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– He dies refusing to bend the knee to Dany
Nymeria
- Will she die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– Leads wolf army into battle against the remaining Freys
Theon
- Will he die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– Dany’s going to change her mind about the Greyjoys and burn him with dragon fire
Yara
- Will she die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– Imprisoned by Dany, because Dany has changed her mind
Euron Greyjoy
- Will he die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– He will almost die by falling off a boat, but then he’ll be able to swim. The context of why and how this happens remains mysterious
Jaime
- Will he die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– He’ll kill Cersei before Arya kills him
Cersei
- Will she die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– Have a war with Dany
Cleganebowl
- Will it happen?
– Yes - Who wins?
– The Hound
Sand Snakes
- Will they die?
– Some will die - What’s the most notable thing they’ll do?
– They will be badly written femme fatales (this is a very sound prediction)
Olenna
- Will she die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– Will be crowned Queen in the South and will become immortal. Going to be a big season for Olenna.
Night’s King
- He won’t even be there, apparently
Jorah
- Will he die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– Dies immediately, eaten by Drogon (we keep trying to make it happen but it’s probably never going to happen, like “fetch”)
Varys
- Will he die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– He’ll be eaten by Drogon too. Dany’s gone volatile, you remember.
Tyrion
- Will he die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– He’ll ride a dragon (Viserion)
Dothraki
- Will the Dothraki ruin Westeros by trying to enslave everyone and raping and stuff?
– Yes - Will it be addressed?
– Not respectfully
Grey Worm
- Will he die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing he’ll do?
– He’ll be part of a disrespectful love story
Missandei
- Will she die?
– Yes - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– She’ll be part of a disrespectful love story
Dany
- Will she die?
– No - What’s the most notable thing she’ll do?
– Rides Drogon into King’s Landing and burns entire city to the ground. First episode.
Bran’s Flashbacks
- What will they be?
– Foreshadowing of Dany being the Mad King because they don’t know how to do story properly
What’s Going to Make You Really Mad this Season, Three?
- not enough Drogon screentime
- everything with Dothraki
- everything with Little Finger
Well, episode one looks to be super action-packed with lots of death and war and dragons burning things and eating fan favourites! Can’t wait.
