Episode 2: Home

Now THAT is what we’re talking about!

Episode one did a lot of nothing, whereas we’ve accomplished WAY more than we ever expected in one hour – and it’s only the second episode of the season.

Death Count:

Guy who thought it was a good idea to shoot Wun Wun, of all people.
Guy who thought it was a good idea to pee on zombie!Mountain
Roose Bolton (and nothing of value was lost)
Walda
Baby
Balon Greyjoy (and nothing of value was lost)

Resurrection Count:

He is risen.

Is Mel going to be insufferable again now? We like some humility with our religious figures, thanks. Speaking of which, can we keep the momentum going and kill the High Sparrow in episode 3?

Surprisingly Damphair is easier to watch than Euron so far. We expect that trend to continue, since all Damphair does is drown people and CPR them back to life, whereas Euron is a giant douchey douche.

We didn’t need the drawn-out execution by dogs of Walda and her newborn, thanks, HBO. If they’d cut away sooner we doubt anyone would be saying, “Wait, so, what happened on Ramsay’s and his step-mother’s and baby brother’s lovely afternoon stroll?”

We hope the show isn’t going to hilariously suggest that Tommen needs to be more like Joffrey in order to be a good king, because book Cersei would say that (and she has!) and we know she’s hilariously wrong. But. Fine. We won’t judge until this plotline unfolds.

Tyrion Quentins but doesn’t Quentin himself. Which probably means he also has questionable lineage. That particular theory bores us but maybe we’ll get on board eventually.

Apart from the obvious, the most exciting thing this episode was the Ned/Benjen/Lyanna/Hodor flashback. Nobody was expecting to get Hodor’s backstory – and obviously it’s important since it’s in the show.

So what’s next? Excitingly, it looks like the Ned flashbacks continue and Tower of Joy is next week. YES. And the tidbit of it that’s in the promo looks so good.

Not excitingly, the Umbers brought Ramsay a gift. PLEASE NO, NOT RICKON. NOT SHAGGYDOG (DEAD… BECAUSE WHAT IDIOT BOLTON-LOYALIST WOULD GIVE RAMSAY A LIVING STARK DIREWOLF AND THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD THING?). ANYONE. ANYTHING. NOT THAT. UNLESS IT’S ALL A PLOY TO HAVE RICKON SECRETLY CHOP RAMSAY UP AND EAT HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

The next episode is called “Oathbreaker” which… means… Jaime? Brienne? Ned? Stupid Smalljon Umber? Ned? Probably Ned, right?

After that is “Book of the Stranger” – this is very interesting, as the show really likes to ignore religious stuff (but not the red religion. K.). The Stranger, we seem to recall, is usually associated with Tyrion in the books?

And then “The Door.” What. Could that be Dany’s red door because the show never once talked about it. But what other doors are there?

Why don’t we just have all of the episodes at once seriously.